Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Exhaustion

It's been a trying couple weeks - the reason for no witty, sarcastic, mean-spirited blog entries.

Two and a half years ago, Jim's sister Mary Ellen, died of colon cancer. She was diagnosed in April of that year and died in September. Andrew was 3 months old.

Jim's sister, Peggy, had to have a needle biopsy of something suspicious in her breast. It came back negative. A week later - they call her and tell her they really need to do a "real" biopsy to make sure because something doesn't look right. She has a meeting set up with a breast surgeon. Two weeks ago, Jim's sister, Nora, called. She had a needle biopsy...it was cancer. She is having a lumpectomy today. They believe it is Stage 0 which is good and things look promising.

For over a year, we've been concerned with some of Andrew's behaviors: Hand flapping (lasting from a minute to 10 minutes or more - many, many times a day); severe temper tantrums, zoning out, ignoring us, he has to line up all his toys in a row, his love of puzzles and patterns...etc. Now we are finally seeing a pediatric neurologist - because it is all getting worse.

My poor husband works all the time. He is exhausted. Saturday he went in at 5 p.m. and got home at 1 a.m. He is forever working. It is near impossible to get a day off. When he wanted a few days off for our son's birthday -- he couldn't get them. I'm ready to slit my throat - I'm so tired - and now he can't book anything for the summer because all his guys have booked vacation. For the one "guy" that reads this blog, I'm not upset that Jim's guys had the good sense to book their vacation - I'm just in a constant state of upset. Jesus, Mary and Joseph...when will it end. I believe he is trying to get off the week that we are going to have our bathroom re-done - that will be a relaxing time! Not.

There is so much more suffering in the world and I have no right to complain - but I'm so tired, he is so tired. We cry alot. There has to be a better way to live.

I read the news and I just fall apart. Friggin teenagers break into a man's home and kill him and his little toddler son - finds his dad, lays down on him and falls to sleep. How horrible is that? A man gets drunk and forgets his two year old inside a hot car for 9 hours? Two DOCTORS from England, leave their not quite 4 year old and two year old twins in an apartment in a resort - while they have a nice dinner alone - yes, they said they could see the door of the apartment from the restaurant, yes they checked every 30 minutes (although the last time - it had been an hour) and someone broke into the apartment and took the 4 year old. What is wrong with these people? (I feel complete and total anguish for these parents I do - they thought being yards away and leaving the children asleep they would be safe - but dear God...). Teenagers killing people, parents responsible for children when they can't even take care of themselves, and educated DOCTORS leaving three small children alone in an apartment in a resort in Portugal where baby sitting services were available....for Christ sake - does anyone use their brain anymore? I hate to take the garbage when Andrew is in the house with his 22 year old brother - God knows what trouble those two would get into.

We all need to start praying that this world wises up or there will be nothing left (materially, emotionally, physically) for any of us.

2 comments:

Ankit said...

:-( I haven't blogged in a long time so i'm catching up.. I really hope that Jim's sisters are ok. I'm sure it's a difficult time for Jim and your family. My prayers are with them.

You know, I feel bad that Jim didn't get a few days off for Andrew's bday. I put in for that time but I was more than willing to reschedule my days off around his vacation days and I still am if he wants. I just have to use up days or I lose them so I really don't care when I take them.

I know how much he loves your little guy. You can tell by the way he talks to Andrew on the phone or even by the way he talks about him at Sumi. You're right, Jim does work a lot and sometimes I feel like it has to bother him on the days in which he gets home after Andrew falls asleep or on the weekends he has to work when he could be spending time w/ Andrew. Well at least that's how I'd feel if I was a father.

Andrew's Mom said...

Ankit...it's not your fault - Jim was told that he couldn't take off because of another reason - it's okay - we aren't up to going anywhere anyway. I know Andrew will be okay with some help - Jim is just devastated by it all - and I know it sounds insane but I've always been an empath of sorts - I feel my own sadness and exhaustion - but I feel everyone elses as well -- so Jim being so upset about Andrew - magnifies my own worry. Does that make sense? Please you guys all work so hard you need your time off - we'll take some time in the Fall - I just need to vent and whine as if I have a right to so - when there is so much more horrible suffering in this world. At least he got off the week of July 30th when our bathroom will be torn out and redone. You should see how crazy I get when Jim has to drill a hole in the wall - I'll need a morphine drip before this is all done!