Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Just Wednesday

I got nothing.

I am lacking luster. (I started this 5/23 - and now it is 6/6 - that shows you the enormity of my lack of luster.)

Andrew was officially diagnosed with mild PDD/Asperger's syndrome - a variant of autism. The doctor said he was advanced intellectually after questioning and examining him and should do okay with behavior modification. Jim and I thought all along that is what we were going to hear - but once we got the "diagnosis" we felt so afraid that we are going to fail him - not do the right things...this next month or so - we are going to concentrate on Andrew - working on his behavior issues - tantrums, triggers and his hand flapping and other repetitive issues.

(I wrote the paragraph above on 5/23.)

On 5/24, I was digging deep into the recesses of my fast emptying mind and tried to remember - "what is different with Andrew the last six months?" His symptoms: hand flapping, zoning out at times, lining things in rows (not excessively but a lot) were always there - and mild...but the aggression and crying and moodiness - the last six months has been unbearable. At the point, where I would have to leave the park or friend's homes because he was throwing things and hitting....well, the difference is - Andrew's immunologist put him on Claritin. Yes, his nose stopped running but he mood changed severely. I did some research...entry after entry of mothers (and adults) who had the same problem with their children. I took him off that night - I had a new mild manner child (Dr. Jekyll). Of course, one week later - Andrew was running 103/104 temps and then developed a horrible cough and congestion - but he wasn't acting like Mr. Hyde. He was coughing so bad last Friday and Saturday we gave him Robitussin cough medicine - welcome back Mr. H. Sunday we decided not to give him anything (the pediatrician said this was a virus). But we caved because he was coughing so much he threw up four times - so we gave him a little Benadryl. Mr. H was still here. Last night, he finally started acting more like the good doctor. We'll see how he does in school today since he seems better with the cough. His teacher told me last week that his behavior was like "night and day". He was so well behaved. Even taking my sick baby into the city on Friday - to see Thomas and Friends - and I had to carry him for roughly six hours up and down flights of stairs - he was still behaving so nicely not hitting or being mean - just saying "I want to go home." Yeah, me too Dorothy.

Andrew really hasn't eaten anything of substance for over a week - I'm pushing fluids. His little belly is gone. He weighed 44 lbs. on my scale a couple weeks ago - now he's down to 38. I hope I get this virus for about six months.

Last week, we found out Peggy (my sister-in-law) has breast cancer as well. (Nora (my other sister-in-law) was diagnosed a few weeks before, had biopsies and lymph node removal and is Stage 1 and will get radiation). Peggy has a few spots so they are doing a mastectomy (Stage 0 though). They gave her options - silicon or fat transplant (doing a mini-tummy tuck). I think the tummy tuck will take her too long to recover from - so I have signed on as a fat donor. The mastectomy will make her cancer free, she'll have a perky breast (what will they do about the other one - I know it would be bad to have one standing up and one laying down...) and a flatter tummy. Sign me up. Every female member of my mother's family has died of breast or ovarian cancer. My mother's brothers -both of them have died of cancer. I have had two lumpectomies - and I'm about five years behind on a mammogram and I'll do that soon. I'm telling you - if they find something - chop them both off, I'll be 20 pounds lighter and doc pretend like you are taking the fat from my tummy and throw it away - I don't need them reconstructed. I'm 44 years old - I'm past the need for perky anything..and after being with Jim for 10 years now - he's forgotten I even have breasts. He thinks the gods have spoken when I take all my clothes off for sex.

The curse other sister-in-law, Ann (yes, I have many 'in-laws' - you know the Irish...can't just have one (like a potato chip)....she had her car parked at work in Long Island City last Friday ... someone came to her office (she's a school nurse)...told her come quick there is something bad I have to show you - she thought - oh dear God - some child is very hurt or sick....Ann asked her what is it - what is it..."it's your car, it isn't good". Seems a tractor trailer ran over it. Bye, bye, bye, bye...

Making 75 cupcakes for my friend's party on Saturday - and then making 70 little mini cheesecakes and 3 or 4 batches of brownies for my niece's graduation party on Sunday. I felt good that Nora asked me if I wanted to make the cake or anything for the party - I passed on the cake - after 75 cupcakes - I don't want to see or smell cake (it's the smell of the icing that makes me sick) but I'll do the cheesecakes and brownies and some miniature chocolate pudding pies for Brendan (nephew) that is all he likes in the dessert field - except for ice cream.

Did I mention we are finally getting a fence!! And I get to keep all my major organs. Hooray for daddy!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I am going to lose it.

I've been beyond distraught with Madeleine McCann's disappearance in Portugal - the four year old British girl taken from her parent's holiday apartment. I know all the circumstances of the disappearance but no parent should suffer this agony of not knowing what is happening to their child. I know there are millions of missing kids - but I've seen her face and I can't get her image out of my head. More than drawing my next breath - I want this child home. I want every child home.

I just read on (I have to stop reading) about a 2 year old little boy who died after a child care worker put tape on his hands and mouth because he wouldn't quiet down for nap time. Dear God - what is wrong with people?

I truly believe that some people don't deserve to live. Child abusers, molesters, rapists, murderers - I'm sick of it. They rehabilitate these sick depraved monsters and let them free to hurt again. Enough of it. Gas them. I'll tape their mouths and hands and let them lay there until death comes. When will it end?

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dog Nurse for Hire

I've now become a doggie nurse. Our neighbors went away on vacation again. Several weeks ago they went to Nashville to hear their talented daughter, Sienna (, showcase at BB King's night club...while they were away we took care of Noel - a big, beautiful, old sweet dog.

We are taking care of Noel again - but now she has an infection on her leg. I go over at least six times a day because (1) I worry about her being lonely; (2) she is sometimes reluctant to "do her business" and I have to coax her into "doing her business"; (3) make sure she is drinking and eating; and (4) I have OCD.

Two times a day I make her a medical appetizer - pills crushed in cream cheese on a Ritz cracker. Three times a day I squirt topical medicine on her leg which she does not enjoy in the least. Andrew, our 3 year old, loves Noel. She terrorizes this poor creature. "NO L I love you," he says while he tries to rest his head on her booty. "Andrew, Noel, doesn't like that - she wants to rest." "NO L need a hug maybe she need a bandaid too". Andrew loves Noel but also loves the bells, wind chimes and other items of interest on our neighbors deck. I love the fact that their yard is fenced in...which makes me rest a little easier with Andrew running around like Flo-Jo. I would sell a kidney for a fenced in back yard. My husband wishes to wait until we can get a really nice one - I wouldn't care if put up a chicken wire fence - he's not the one that has to chase a 3 year old all day every day. It's not the chasing - it's the fear and worry of him darting away. I believe all creatures that can't reason should be confined until such time that they can reason. I believe my 22 year old should be confined still.

Well, it's 9:00 a.m. and everyone is now awake - Andrew slept in until 8, Jim until 9 and I got up at 6 a.m. to take care of Noel. That's me, Dog Nurse for Hire.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007


It's been a trying couple weeks - the reason for no witty, sarcastic, mean-spirited blog entries.

Two and a half years ago, Jim's sister Mary Ellen, died of colon cancer. She was diagnosed in April of that year and died in September. Andrew was 3 months old.

Jim's sister, Peggy, had to have a needle biopsy of something suspicious in her breast. It came back negative. A week later - they call her and tell her they really need to do a "real" biopsy to make sure because something doesn't look right. She has a meeting set up with a breast surgeon. Two weeks ago, Jim's sister, Nora, called. She had a needle was cancer. She is having a lumpectomy today. They believe it is Stage 0 which is good and things look promising.

For over a year, we've been concerned with some of Andrew's behaviors: Hand flapping (lasting from a minute to 10 minutes or more - many, many times a day); severe temper tantrums, zoning out, ignoring us, he has to line up all his toys in a row, his love of puzzles and patterns...etc. Now we are finally seeing a pediatric neurologist - because it is all getting worse.

My poor husband works all the time. He is exhausted. Saturday he went in at 5 p.m. and got home at 1 a.m. He is forever working. It is near impossible to get a day off. When he wanted a few days off for our son's birthday -- he couldn't get them. I'm ready to slit my throat - I'm so tired - and now he can't book anything for the summer because all his guys have booked vacation. For the one "guy" that reads this blog, I'm not upset that Jim's guys had the good sense to book their vacation - I'm just in a constant state of upset. Jesus, Mary and Joseph...when will it end. I believe he is trying to get off the week that we are going to have our bathroom re-done - that will be a relaxing time! Not.

There is so much more suffering in the world and I have no right to complain - but I'm so tired, he is so tired. We cry alot. There has to be a better way to live.

I read the news and I just fall apart. Friggin teenagers break into a man's home and kill him and his little toddler son - finds his dad, lays down on him and falls to sleep. How horrible is that? A man gets drunk and forgets his two year old inside a hot car for 9 hours? Two DOCTORS from England, leave their not quite 4 year old and two year old twins in an apartment in a resort - while they have a nice dinner alone - yes, they said they could see the door of the apartment from the restaurant, yes they checked every 30 minutes (although the last time - it had been an hour) and someone broke into the apartment and took the 4 year old. What is wrong with these people? (I feel complete and total anguish for these parents I do - they thought being yards away and leaving the children asleep they would be safe - but dear God...). Teenagers killing people, parents responsible for children when they can't even take care of themselves, and educated DOCTORS leaving three small children alone in an apartment in a resort in Portugal where baby sitting services were available....for Christ sake - does anyone use their brain anymore? I hate to take the garbage when Andrew is in the house with his 22 year old brother - God knows what trouble those two would get into.

We all need to start praying that this world wises up or there will be nothing left (materially, emotionally, physically) for any of us.