Thursday, January 31, 2008

Jack Benny Jr meet Jack Benny Sr.

So I go to my husband's bag to get his dirty lunch container, etc. and a print out of something - and I pull out

"10 Ways to Be a Better Husband"

So I say "I love you - you are so cute." Then he proceeds to tell me that he told his buddy Ankit (his protege -- he is mentoring Ankit in his relationship - if Ankit follows Jim's advice his gf will be lg ("long gone") that he printed this out to leave in his bag so I could find it...ha ha ha...then he told Ankit to photoshop it - and make it say "10 Ways to be a Better Boyfriend"... Then I review the article and he has only printed out 5 of the steps. He told me he was only available do a 5 step plan which I understand because if I give him an order for McDonald's his head smokes....

I go on MSN and find the article and now realize why he didn't print out the last five - because they have to do with his family and not farting.

On a cuter note, Andrew told Jim, "Daddy, I love Miss Carol (his SEIT)." Jim asks, "Why?" Andrew says, "Because she is so girly." Andrew must have printed out "10 Ways to be a better pre-k'er."

How did Jack Benny pop into our son?

He is insanely funny.

The other night - my weird husband says:

H: "Andrew who is your favorite girl at school?"

A: "huh?"

H: "who gets your blood pumping?"

A: "my blood pumping?"

H: "who gives you butterflies in your tummy?"

A: "butterflies??!!?"

H: "does anybody make any of your body parts feel funny?"

A: "my elbow hurts".

We laughed so hard.

Today: He wants to go eat. I say, "wait one second I have to get a check for Miss Marie" (Miss Marie is the owner of Little Learners". Andrew says, "why does Miss Marie get a check?" I said because tomorrow is her day to get paid. He says, "I better spread the word." Where does he get this stuff? He's 3 1/2 years old!

Then I help him with a puzzle piece and I said "Are you happy now?" He says, "Aye, aye my captain." Good's a laugh a minute here.

Without a doubt he has my sense of humor!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

It isn't very beautiful....

Since Thursday and the airing of Robot Monkey Hullabaloo starring my favorite monkey Curious George...Andrew has wanted to build a robot. So I started collecting Kleenex boxes, paper towel rolls, etc...Jim said my job was to distract him every time he mentioned building the robot as the thought of doing this frightened him more than marriage did all those years ago.

Sunday 3 p.m. there was no further distraction possible. Jim commenced the building of our robot. He got out boxes, tape, drills, etc. When it was semi-finished Andrew broke down in tears....Andrew what is wrong? my husband asked. (I knew the answer.)

"'t very beautiful...". Jim didn't know our 3 1/2 year old had such high standards. I put a stainless steel bowl on it's head and told Andrew my plans for decorating it. We're all taking a break and trying to recover from the less than beautiful robot....we'll take another stab at it when we're all fresh and the sting of disappointment isn't so raw.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


My husband is having a carotid doppler test on Thursday - he postponed from tonight - now he is complaining about how bad he feels....don't even go there... did he get his prescription filled (I offered to do it) Did he schedule his MRI? no. WTF?

If I have to find a new baby daddy - .... I'm too old for this shit.

Heath Ledger died, 28. Found dead with pills around him. What is it with celebrities? Why do they want to be a star and then they can't handle it??? Is it the be careful what you wish for syndrome....I should be grateful I was never discovered - Lord knows I have the talent.

On a lighter note, apparently boinking a married photographer with a British accent - causes you to develop a British accent. Is there no end to the train wreck that is Britney Spears? I hope he got his money shot....but really there isn't an inch of Britney we haven't already seen in close up nonetheless. I would like to see a shot of her with her boys at the park without a cigarette, latte, Red Bull and a nanny or two.

Lions, Tigers & Brains 0h My

Okay, so my husband goes to the doctor - who in turn sends him to the neurologist - and now he is suppose to have a carotid Doppler TODAY and schedule an MRI but says he has to reschedule because he has too much work - I swear if I have to find an estate attorney next week - I'll kill him. I told him I will get the world's best wiji board and séance kit and I will conjure him up every single day and nag him for all eternity. He thinks he will RIP - not a chance.

He said if I conjure him up - he'll bring rowdy people back with him to scare me. I said you don't know any rowdy dead people - when you get to heaven - your mom, sister, dad and aunt will slap you for not listening to your wife - and having your test - so you can see your son at least turn four. Men men men - I swear to God - I think lesbianism is looking pretty good.

Monday, January 21, 2008

If Men Had to Birth Babies - Zero Population Growth

I've been sick for over two weeks - severe bronchial infection, sinus infection, fever, chills, hell I probably even have a swollen prostrate :-) but I've managed to cook, clean, take care of a 3 1/2 year old, drive him to school, do errands and be human...although I did scream at the two teenaged idiots who were discussing which tanning bed facility is cheaper while I was waiting to buy my milk and onions at the Best Yet the other day.

Jim has had a runny nose off and on for two weeks - but the last 3 days have been bad - and he has basically been without signs of life. He had the nerve to tell me that I have no idea how sick he is - that I couldn't imagine. When he has to have a C-section we'll compare levels of pain and illness. He was in bed the entire day yesterday (except for church) but suddenly came to life as the Giants/Packers game kick off. (Yeah, Go Giants!) can't live with them and you can't kill them without going to jail.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

God is watching us....

I was saying “oh god…” because I was having chills and feeling so bad a little bit ago. Andrew says – “Why are you talking to Him (God)?” I said, “I’m asking God for help to make me feel better so I can be more fun for you." Andrew says, “But God isn’t here – he’s at church.”

I told him God was everywhere. He is so funny.

We are the killer germ house. Germs come in and never go out.

Made steak pizzaiola and farfalle and will get some crusty bread for Jim. Made dinner every night but last night - not too bad for being on death row.

I make all these things I hate and eat a hollowed out pumpernickel bagel almost every night for dinner. Jim said I should just go in the closet turn around really fast and turn Chinese - because I only like Asian food...I said that isn't true - I like Thai, Indian, Moroccan....anything different and with some good flavor.


Friday, January 11, 2008

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

So my adorable, sweet, smart son and I were reading books tonight (note: he is soooo sick...he hasn't eaten more than a 1/2 a pancake in three days - tomorrow is the doctor if no improvement). One of the books was Clifford's First Autumn.

I asked him, "Andrew, what is another word for Autumn?" Andrew answers, "Fall".

Then we are reading about the birds flying south for the winter. "Andrew - why do the birds fly south for the winter?" Andrew answers, "because they can't walk." He has his mother's quick wit.

I'm up to my ovaries in Kleenex.

I've been stuck at home with a sick 3 1/2 year old. I've wiped his nose more times in the last three days than I have my own nose in 45 years...yes, that is right - I'm freaking 45 years old now. SMOG....(Sweet Mother of God).

I had a meeting with the school district on Wednesday to get Andrew more help. I was approved for additional help and they are going to send out packets to get Andrew into an integrated classroom for a year before kindergarten. I've been on the phone non-stop since then...and I'd rather have a kidney removed than be on the phone. They upped his SEIT time to 90 minutes per day. He was just getting a total of 3 hours per week. His OT stays the same at 45 minutes twice a week, his play therapy 60 minutes once a week and my parent therapy once a week (60 minutes of "you have to take care of yourself....stop doing nice things for other people....etc.) does she not realize that I'm old and very likely will be being judged soon for all my good deeds and I have a lot of catching up to do???

I'm in the midst of making cheesecakes for birthdays and trying to keep my head above the dust that takes over my home and feeling very sad. My husband spends a great deal of time worrying about Andrew's future. I know Andrew will have a bright future - it's his now that I worry about....

Meanwhile, I spoke to my friend whose brother is a corrections officer at a NJ jail. They have a hospital security guard in there who was caught going at it on an 80 year old female corpse. SMOG. The prisoner keeps asking for a paper....and the CO says "Why, want to check the obits? Want to see if there is a picture of your girlfriend?" Well, at least it was a corpse and not a child or woman who would have to endure the attack and remember it. The world makes me sad. My therapist would be upset to know that I'm taking on the world's problem and have now assigned myself the task of wiping out pedophiles....I am of the firm belief that if you are convicted of molestation involving a minor you should be put to sleep; if you are caught with pornographic material involving children - bug zapper again. Why risk it? Stop this fucking insanity.

I'm Catholic and these priests that are convicted of molesting children - are the absolute worst - they took vows and have our (the lemmings) trust ... and what is being done - they are given counseling and my collection basket funds are paying the victims for their suffering. This all must stop. I'm not making sense now because my mind is hurting and my hand is numb from all the nose wiping. Off to wipe.

Peace out.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

January 2008

I really suck at trying to keep this blog up. I'm going to try to do better.

Busy weekend. Baked all day yesterday for hospitality at church today. Made apple blondies with brown sugar frosting, brown sugar brownies, carrot coconut bread, chocolate chip bread and that's it. Today for dinner made roasted leg of lamb, roasted carrots, parsnips and potatoes along with rice and lamb gravy for Jim. Also made garlic toast. Absolutely have no desire whatsoever to eat any of it. Going to make a hollowed out pumpernickel bagel. Yummy.

Took the tree down this morning myself. Almost gave myself a hernia yanking it out the door. Jim wakes up at 9:30 - oh I would have helped....well, I wanted it done today and we have church then Giants football....when would we have time to do that?

Ordered two new cookbooks a curry cookbook featuring Indian and Asian curries and a Kylie Kwong - Simple Chinese Cooking. I already do a lot of Chinese dishes - but I love her show and thought this might get me more inspired. Making her sweet & sour pork tomorrow. Kylie reminds me of my friend, Susan who I miss! Hi Susan Flanagan!

I'm going to start posting more of the recipes that I make - in case anyone is interested.

Here is the apple blondie recipe:

Apple Blondies with Brown Sugar FrostingBlondies:

2/3 cup butter, softened
2 cups packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup chopped peeled apples
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

Brown Sugar Frosting:

1/2 cup butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup milk or cream
2 cups confectioner's sugar

Blondies:In a large bowl, using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat butter, brown sugar, eggs and vanilla until thick and smooth, about 3 minutes. Combine flour, baking pwder and salt. Add to butter mixture on low speed, mixing until blended. Stir in apples, cinnamon and nuts, mixing well. Spread evenly in greased 9x13 pan. Bake in Preheated oven at 350 degrees until set and golden, 25-30 minutes. Let cool completely in pan on rack.

Brown Sugar Frosting: In a small saucepan over low heat, melt butter. Stir in brown sugar and milk. Bring mixture just to a boil then remove from heat and let cool to lukewarm. Stir in the confectioner's sugar, mixing until smooth. Spread evenly over bar. Let stand until frosting is firm enough to cut. Cut into bars or squares.