Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Three little words.....

I screwed up big time using three little words.

Andrew has been so obsessed with death and heaven lately. Last night while reading (we read every night without fail for at least thirty minutes), I had a massive headache. I mentioned to him that my head really hurt and to stop fidgeting around. He said, "Are you going to die?" I said, "No." (At least not that night).

I read a few more lines. Andrew asks, "When you die, will you go to heaven?". I said, "I hope so." As soon as those three words were out of my mouth I knew I had f'd up and royally. "If you don't go to heaven, where else would you go?"

It isn't enough that my five year old Asperger's inflicted son worries about everything under the sun, I have to add to his ever increasing list of worries and anxieties.

I tried to explain that heaven was a wonderful place full of light and love and our family is there. Then I said to the best of my ability that there is another place that really evil, mean people go. It's dark and not very pleasant. To which he replied, "But mommy sometimes I'm mean."

I had to spend thirty minutes assuring him he could never be THAT mean.

(I had this in a comment but it helps explain Andrew a little better.) Monday we arrive at therapy at Hofstra University(we go to three sessions a week, one individual, two group) - I pulled in a spot and a sign said "Visitors Only Violators Will Be Towed"...he almost started hyperventilating. "Mommy, please, please, please back out and find another spot". (He's been reading since 3 1/2). Even though I told him we were a visitor and not a student and we were okay - he couldn't calm down until I moved. If we make a wrong turn when driving and someone slips up and says "oops we went the wrong way" - he becomes so worried "are we lost? are we lost?" He has finally stopped worrying about the "evil woman". Sometimes things take weeks/months to pass - sometimes days. It's a crap shoot

Tonight at book time he was extra nervous - kept sitting up. "Andrew what is wrong."

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"That dark place."

Three little words.

I calmed him down. We said our prayers and said a long prayer for the souls in Haiti.
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