Thursday, August 5, 2010

Two steps forward, a half mile back.

Dear God,

Why do you give us four great weeks and then bam hit us with a spinning head and pea soup?

Thanks for your time.

Andrew's Mom

There are no words to describe my exhaustion and despair. The last two weeks have been ......bad.

Today at McDonald's - I wanted to throw myself on the deep fryer. Everyone there was staring at us. Andrew wouldn't stop screaming at the top of his lungs - and I couldn't leave because I was waiting for my friend to come and collect her son from me -- by the time she got there - he was calmer but the forty five minutes before that was another story. Not only the screaming, but the going after other children, putting his friend Timmy in a headlock (three times), crawling under the table to attack him, screaming every time Timmy said anything that Andrew did like and that was pretty much everything, screaming at the other kids who were screaming like Michael Myers was after them....there was more but I have tried to block it out.

Jim goes to Philadelphia on Saturday for a METS game - and Andrew and I are suppose to go to a block party - and you know what I DON'T WANT TO GO. I don't want to have my entire Saturday afternoon spent playing defense. I can't do it. I can't.

I'm battling some pretty serious issues myself - and I'd rather just spend Saturday home alone with my little Regan and be safe. If that makes me a shitty mother, so be it.

I spend all week - cleaning, cooking, running errands, driving my 82 year old friend to the store and once a week to her doctor - baking cookies for people even after I say "no I don't have the time"...I don't want to spend my weekend trying to protect other children from my son.

My 82 year old friend - nominated me for the Make a Difference Award for the Town of Hempstead. I don't want it. I want to get off the waiting list for the Anchor Camp for autistic kids - I want Andrew to go to a camp where they can deal with his issues and help him not to regress. This last week at the YMCA in Queens has not been good. So Kate Murray, Town of Hempstead - when you get Flo's letter - don't give me the "medal" - give me a shorter wait.


Paige said...

I'm so sorry! I've been there. I almost ended up in the hospital once cause I went somewhere alone with my daughter while very pregnant and, when she lost it on me, I picked her 4 1/2 yr old butt up and carried her to the car kicking and screaming. It was not a good time.

I hope you get moved up that waiting list in a hurry.

Andrew's Mom said...

Hi Paige. OMG - I can't imagine being pregnant and dealing with their bad times. I'm hoping he can get on the Saturday Anchor program and then next summer be in the camp - sad thing is - so many kids - only so many spots. xoxo

Paige said...

My daughter didn't get really bad until around 4 and then it was like it all hit at once. I can remember sitting with her and my son when he was a newborn and just thinking I was going to lose my mind.

But we made it through. And we're really good right now. So the sun will come out again.

BevB said...

Hmm.. and the best I can come up with for my blog is " Wah-I'm bored"? Do me a favor. Don't read my blog today. It's me whining about having a week of no motivation & laying around reading & eating. I'm embarrassed.
Damn, I don't know how you manage do it...and all that without booze or drugs.
Forget the block party -unless Dad wants to forego the Mets & take over as Block Party Umpire. Stay home. Do whatever you want to do.
Whatever you do will be the right thing. xoxo

Ingrid said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you! I never hear much about Dad and his help? You okay?