Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Andrew's Mom - Hostage Negotiator

I've been out of commission. First it was the thirty days of the big "D" and the other horrible symptoms that came along with it - now the last twelve days of the treatment caused - more big "D", dizziness, chest pain, joint and muscle pain, flu like symptoms, brain fog, frequent urination and sleepiness -- the only thing I didn't get was an erection that lasted for more than four hours.

On a good note, Andrew had three amazing weeks after we took him off the Concerta --- the last two days he has taken to hitting me again - but only once or twice before I "talk him down".

I came to a realization yesterday while at McDonald's with Andrew and his friend, Madison (I am watching her while her mom works and her grandmother is out of town). In hostage situations, experts tell you to try to make the criminal see you as a human - i.e., don't kill me because I'm a mother - my son will miss me and needs me, don't kill me because my parents love me and need me - etc. -- whatever your situation is let them see you as someone who is loved and not just a throwaway.
Yesterday, Andrew was getting annoyed and a little aggressive with this screaming little three year old girl. The mother was wonderful and we started talking and she started working with me - on getting the kids to play along nicely. I had all three kids over by me (the mother was standing close) and I said, "Andrew, look at Kayla - she is little - she is only three - she needs a big brother type to protect her. You don't want to hurt her." He looked at her and thought about it for a minute, "You are only three?" The mother joined in and actually the mother spent a lot of time talking to Andrew about himself - "do you like baseball? how old are you?" - and we got them all talking. We succeeded in getting Andrew to see her as a "little girl" not a screaming banshee set out on annoying him.

Normally, I would have taken flight - you know it is easier to take flight than to fight - but this ended up being a good experience. I was exhausted but it felt successful - maybe if we all took a moment to explain ourselves the world would be a better place. I have to give a lot of credit to the mom too - she wasn't overly protective of her daughter - she wanted to make the situation better and engage Andrew - not just watch out for Kayla and make Andrew the "throwaway".

Last Sunday was the Walk for Autism at Jones Beach (picture above - I'm behind the camera) - we had a very windy, cold day but had a wonderful time with our family there to support us. We are lucky to have great family and friends...even though at times it seems I am all alone - I know I am not.


Whatever Dee-Dee wants said...

You sound like a great hostage negotiator :)

Stop by my blog to enter to win a gift certificate from Doodle Bugs Paper!

naomi said...

Yes, it is always easier to take flight, but it sounds that you have yet to do that.

I just discovered your blog and as a mom I admire your strength.

Andrew's Mom said...

Thanks Dee Dee and Naomi. I write to keep my sanity - I really have a good life and am thankful for everything I have.

Ingrid said...