Sunday, September 19, 2010

Too weak to be distraught....

We must get him off the Concerta STAT. Saturday morning while telling him he had to get off the computer to prepare for religious education classes (ironically) he right hooked me in the eye, broke my glasses (I repaired them) and really bruised the orbital bone around my eye. Jim was at the point of tears because I screamed so loud - this hurt worse than the head butt to my nose -- Jim reminded me of my dad when one of us would get hurt. He was beyond distraught - I am too weak to be distraught. Andrew was punished and the rest of Saturday was better.

Sunday, today, he was a little better - the Concerta isn't working for him. I'm not giving it to him in the morning and I'll call the neurologist. When I spoke to her on Thursday - she told me to up it and up his Risperdal to counter-act the aggression. NO. Three folks I know - had the same problem with Concerta...and Focalin is working for them (it doesn't mean Focalin will work for us) but we know Concerta isn't for him. One of the reasons he has to suffer with seasonal allergies is that the Claritin turns him into Mike Tyson.

Got a call from my doctor last evening - one of my tests came back for Celiac's Disease...and I have to see a GI right away - as there was no parasites in my system (I was hoping for parasites) I most likely have ulcerative colitis. Yippee. Another member joins the let's get up Jenny's ass club.

Andrew has the sniffles and a cough. I'm praying he is recovered tomorrow. He needs to go to school and I need to get some work done around here - today was a stay in bed day. Jim had to work and got home around 1:30 ish. Saturday we spent the day re-arranging the bedroom, then re-arranging it again, then finally re-arranging it. I know I'm going to end up peeing in the hamper one night.

I know this is a messy post. Just doing what I can to confuse the rest of humankind.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I wonder if Mel Gibson has autism

Andrew started the Concerta in addition to his Risperdal last Friday. Friday seemed good - Saturday and Sunday - good as well.

Monday morning began the hitting - started off slow and escalated into a beatdown today. He hit me at least ten times this morning and then this afternoon from the moment I picked him up at school at 2:20 until about 3:20 - in the therapist's office - he must have hit me fifty times and kicked me half as much. I could barely contain him - the therapist worked with me and it took the full session in the waiting room (thankfully no one else was there) to calm him down.

I've been very sick -- for many months with fevers, itching (relevant) and swollen lymph node (now nodes). September 1st I started with massive diarrhea to now just blood and mucous - I know too much information - but there is a point to this - I've lost 31 pounds - it's great but I'm weak. The doctor has ordered a barrage of tests and then when those are back - CT scans of my chest and abdomen to rule out lymphoma.

I could barely contain Andrew today - partially because I am weak - additionally because he is so big and strong. I fear for the future. If things don't get better - he is going to end up really hurting someone.

He is an angel at school. Mrs. Salvatore spoke to me today and said he is doing beautifully - she sees some frustration and the "perfection" issue - everything has to be just so-so but he is a good kid at school. The therapist said this is common - that kids can hold it together in school and then let go at home. I'm grateful he is good at school - but if he would give one kid a smack down - we could get more help (I jest sort of).

We worked out a new plan - a four tier behavioral plan.

Step One - a warning
Step Two - a time out
Step Three - he loses Legos for the day
Step Four - no books at night (he is an avid reader - and we read anywhere from three to six books a night - and while I hate that as a punishment -- it must be -- it is his comfort at night - for me to cuddle with him and read).
Step Five - mommy moves to Vegas (joking)

Hello God - are You listening - I know You have Your hands full with those Tea Baggers, the Palins and Paris Hilton - but could You throw me a bone? Just a little one? Thank You.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Soul Searching

Spent the morning crying.

Got his first Concerta down him - and he is different. We were watching Rachael Ray (we don't usually watch this show - but I had ABC on this morning - and when the television started it was on and it was about an inner city school culinary program so I stayed there).

One of the young men on the program said when his grandfather got ill things went from bad to worse. Andrew said, "that's me". "I go from bad to worse." He had tears in his eyes. He said, "I treat Timmy bad and you bad and I'm no good." I started crying. He was crying. He is SIX.

I reassured him that he is a wonderful, sweet, smart boy and that we are working on the problems. He is so scared that he won't "get Timmy back". Oh my God, how can a broken heart keep breaking?

We talked for about an hour. I notice a difference already with the medication.

"Mommy, why do parents love their children?"

"Andrew, why do you love me?"

"I just do."

"Me, too."

"Will you always love me?"


"Can I grow a beard?"

Thursday, September 9, 2010


I have yet to find the energy to write about vacation. I will. Someday.

Today we had an appointment with the neurologist at 2:45 for an ADHD medication for Andrew. He is currently on the anti-psychotic for aggression (imagine if he wasn't medicated).

Before that appointment I called Regina to see if we could meet at a park for an hour or so and then have lunch.

Things didn't start off good. He just turned into a monster at the park. Screaming, demanding - and then most of the time over in a corner by himself (while that breaks my heart at least he wasn't hurting anyone).

The last straw was when he ended up pounding Timmy on the back about five times because Timmy was on a push toy he wanted. After I had him sitting on the park bench for fifteen minutes in punishment all the while - screaming, kicking and trying to hit me....Timmy walks up and calmly says - "Andrew I don't like how you treat me." Andrew said, "I'm ignoring you." You understand Timmy was in the wrong because Timmy had something Andrew wanted and no amount of punishment, talking to, pleading, begging, crying would or could make Andrew see that. I apologized to Timmy for Andrew's behavior. Regina asked Timmy if he was hungry and Timmy said, "Yes, but I don't want to eat with Andrew." Neither did I, Timmy, neither did I.

Andrew then threw mulch in my face because I said okay and that I understood. He must have hit me twenty times in the park and fifteen times (with a couple of bites too) on the way to the car.

This keeps getting worse. How many pieces of my soul can be taken before there is nothing left?
Addendum: My husband just sent me a message: "I am just ridiculously tired, sad, hopeless"...yeah, me too.