Tuesday, August 21, 2012

What the future holds?

I am worried and sad.

Andrew's anger is growing.  It has taken a life of its own.  He turns on a dime and had even been acting out at camp where he scratched a child.  He really has never struck another child in camp or school - I am saddened to think those days are over.  In his defense, he states the child was kicking him and he did come home covered in bruises and he had a scratch above his eye. No matter, we have gone on ad nauseam about things he can do instead of hitting.  Typing "in his defense" makes me gasp in fear about his future.  I don't want to be one of those moms being interviewed after their child has done something heinous.  Please.  People we are doing everything we can which includes looking for additional therapy and adjusting his medication - his neurologist is out of town until September 4th when we have an appointment.

He isn't going to be one of those kids that go into a group home.  He is very smart and typical a great deal of the time - his anxiety and anger pepper our days and we never know when they will appear. 

Saturday we went to a birthday party and he was crazed.  There is no way to describe it - there are no words.  It was awful.  Screaming, hysteria, anger, aggression - we got out of there.  He wanted to go - our friend was hurt last year when we didn't go.  I know now without a doubt - we cannot do these things - birthday parties ...because even one out of two times when he is okay - isn't worth the anguish of the times when he isn't.

Yesterday he pounded me in the face and hit my back with such force it was sore all evening all because of his new obsession Club Penguin.  What are we suppose to do?  He loves computer games - he needs structure and I'm up to my ears in packing and getting this house ready for (1) yard sale and (2) construction so we can put the house on the market by October 1st.  The therapists always say - "if it upsets him don't let him play with it".  EVERYTHING upsets him.  What am I suppose to do?  I punish him - I take away the game for the day but nothing seems to work.  

This morning again - the screaming, whining and anger have begun.  He woke up at 1 a.m. crying for me.  Jim went in and slept with him for a little while.  Even though Jim works ungodly hours -he knows that I need my strength for what I have to accomplish as well as dealing with Andrew when he is not in a good place.  At 5:30 Andrew was in our bed - kissing me and telling me he loves me. By 7 a.m. he was agitated.  In the last two hours - he has run the gambit of emotions and I have gone from laughing to crying to resignation. 

Things will get better they always do - it's just the dips on the ride that are hard to stomach.  


Pam said...

Jenny I am sorry that you and Jim have to go through all this on top of trying to move and Jim's long hours. My heart goes out to Andrew it must be so hard for him not understanding that he is unable to control his actions. Just not fair for kids having to deal with this on top of life.

I'm sending you all my love, hugs and prayers.
You are a strong woman and I love You!

Kristen said...

Oh hon - I am so sorry. You are an amazing parent and have a lot of strength and love. There is a reason you are Andrew's mom because your patience, love and willingness to try with him and show him unbiased love is so evident.
Hugs to you!!