Monday, February 10, 2014

Bandaids

As most of the blogging world knows Elle of Elle's Kitchen passed away a few weeks ago and many bloggers picked recipes from her blog to recreate in her memory.

I had intended to do so as well.  Life got in the way.

I ended up doing what Elle always did - put family first -- doesn't mean I love her or miss her any less than anyone else - I had to do what I needed to do. I still cooked for my family last week - but I didn't have it in my heart to do a specific recipe and write a post.  

Andrew had a few great weeks.   I try to keep quiet when he does well because inevitably something comes to knock me off my happy, high horse.  It's like telling people you are pregnant as soon as the stick turns positive.  

Last week - Andrew was in school for about a day and a half.  Delayed starts due to wind chills of -25,  he felt sick on Tuesday at lunch and came home at noon.  He looked pale and I kept him home the next day.  Thursday comes and another late start but he feels fine and goes in.  I get a call at 1:00.  "Mrs. ______ I really really hate to call you and tell you this...."   He went after some kids and made contact.  Again, I asked  after making sure the kids were okay and stating that I know the responsibility for this is 100 percent on Andrew "where was the adult, aid, teacher?"  They know he has issues and until this magical IEP gets put into place -- an adult needs to be on him during transition periods.  "Oh, that's a good idea."

He was suspended on Friday.  He got exactly what he wanted - he wanted to avoid school and they gave him what he wanted.  Whatever happened to detention?  

Seems in Colorado - there are so MANY days off, so many weeks off - far more than in New York.  Seems to me that Andrew can't even get into a rhythm.  This coming week -- he is off Friday and Monday for President's weekend.  He needs routine.  He isn't getting it here.  Then the icing on the cake is when he does something -- he gets sent home.  He wants to come home - of course, he is going to do what he needs to do to get sent home.  

Now he is back in school and every day I have to pick him up from 11:55 to 12:40 because the school won't take the responsibility of making sure Andrew is near an adult during recess/lunch transitions.   All the outbursts, going after kids...all the problems occur during that time frame....so I need to give my child what he needs because the school system can't.

I feel defeated and empty.  I feel like we take two steps forward and then get bitch slapped all the way back to behind the start line.

Please understand none of the inconvenience bothers me.  It is the fear that one day he is going to hurt someone.  That paralyzes me.

Elle would be the one to private message me after reading this to tell me - she wished we were closer, hang in there, sending me love.  She always knew when I needed a bandaid. Elle, I miss you.  I know you understand.  




11 comments:

Pam said...

That is a sweet post - God Bless you Elle, Jenny and Andrew. Sending you tons of hugs and prayers.

SKM said...

Hugs.

Janis said...

Love you and wish I lived closer so I could help :--(

Cathy B said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I know if I were in your situation, I would be fed up with that school and feel frustrated as well. **hugs** Try your best to stay strong, and keep one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, that's all we can do. :)

RJ Flamingo said...

You know I love you, too. Just keep breathing, Jenny.{{Hugs}}

Suzanne said...

Well, damn. So the school has NO ONE that can monitor Andrew's activity during lunch? No janitor, no teachers' aide, no counselor? And they tell you that they will monitor him before, and now they have no clue, other than it's a "good idea"? Bullshit. They are doing what is easy and not what is right. And, I know they have all kinds of volunteers at these schools. I've been one. If I were there I would volunteer to be his lunch companion so you could at least have some time to do what you need to do and would make sure he didn't get to go home. OK, taking a deep breath with you knowing there is a better solution out there. Damn! It WILL be all right, just not soon enough it seems.

Katrina said...

Jenny, you are not alone. My heart is with you. Similar (but not the same!) issues with our 6 yo, we spent 6 weeks in school with him all day because the school just wasn't doing anything--until a psyh dr. told us to tell them to get with it.(He still has issues, but it's a little better.) So hard. Wish I could help. Thoughts and prayers are with you and Andrew and Jim.

Jenny Hartin said...

It is the realistic fear that some day he is going to seriously hurt someone, no one gets that. That is what destroys me.

Anonymous said...

Don't you think you are asking alot from a school? I fele very sorry for you and know your son needs extra care and attention but it sounds like the school is doing the best it can. Teachers are overwhelmed just dealing with kids without special needs. We ask too much of our teachers and admins. I do hope things improve for you and Andrew.

Jenny Hartin said...

In most school districts classes - especially in a class with three or four children with special needs they have an aid. In NY Andrew always stood next to the aid during transition times. I'm not asking for one on one I'm asking for common sense. If he breaks down during line up stand next to the teacher or aid. And I've volunteered to be an aid to help out. They take volunteers at the school. Andrew's teacher is amazing. The admin is amazing. But we've had to go through seven months of hell before we can start the classification process again to get him extra help. It's the school district that lacks common sense. Are people so overwhelmed they can't have someone stand next to them. Don't leave a comment without leaving your name. I know who you are anyway.

burlapandbutterknives said...

I am so sorry sweetie. I'm just catching up on my reading, so so so behind. I wish I could help, I wish I could bring you cannolis and rum punch. Thankfully I can at least send you syrup (next week its coming)
I wish your school was better for Andrew. I don't, I can't, fathom how they can be so dismissive and so unaccommodating. how they can put this on you and not be taking care of it themselves. I Want to write your congressmen or something, this just seems like such a complete injustice. Big hugs sweetie <3 <3